wrote you back before you had a chance to.

done with being obvious, with stringing verbs and nouns together and capitalizing selectively to make something seem intellectual. done with the facade of being productive: it's just not working regardless. done with checking repeatedly for the letter, the call, the message that was never sent nor received. done with false alarms, dead signals in places i was peering into, wishing something, anything would come along. done with being too comma-happy here.

our favorite album is perfect for the moment. the state of waiting for something to happen. the listlessness, the boredom, and the dread, the fear, the uncertainty. the eventual "why bother" phase...and later, the regret that we never took the chance. picking up on signs, then convincing ourselves that we're wrong, because how could that ever be? how could something in our lives be positive, be good, make us happy? if it isn't blatantly spelled out, it must be negative. it must be something we don't want to know. and so we block out the signs that we've thoroughly analyzed. the ones that we're hoping are beneficial, but deep down we're convincing ourselves that they aren't. how could they be? unless it's spelled out to us, nothing could ever be positive, nor good. so the hoping fades away as does the potential of the situation. the potential life-changing event, the risk. the ones we hoped in our gut we could take; the ones we believed were true, but the ones, that in the end, we were too scared to take.

replace every we with i, every our with my, and every us with me, and you've got the story.