seniors, this one's for you.

May has crept up on me, and with it fast approaches loads and loads of tests: SAT Subject tests, floods of three hour AP tests, and the finals to go along with it. But really, the only real thing these tests signify is the end of the year coming real soon. In little over a month, I will be a senior. A senior! Te word I've been waiting for since freshman year. Yearning for everything: the privileges, the status, even the stress from college apps and the dread of rejection letters...I cant wait for all of it.

All my life I've given the word "senior" a positive connotation, but for once, now, there's something I"m dreading. Something I'm seeing in a lot of seniors now; something I hope to god I don't get: senioritis. And no, I don't mean schoolwise: I know I'm definitely getting academic senioritis, and I couldn't care less if I majorly slack off senior year-I'm already a pretty bad slacker anyway. But no, I mean senioritis in another sense: that "who cares?" nonchalance, the "why bother?" attitude. They say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference, and that's exactly what senioritis embodies. Don't know what I'm talking about? I mean that mindset of not pursuing anything. Of not wanting to hang out, not wanting to take up new opportunities or make new friends. Not wanting or caring enough to make peace with someone you fought with. Just being apathetic in general about everything. And why? It's obvious, right? Because "I'm going to college. Everything will be different, everything will change, and nothing at home will even matter." It's like seniors are living already in the future, making their present already their past. They're investing all their hopes in college, and everything else in their minds just fades away.

It's that apathy that I'm terrified of. Of falling into a routine; of being too lazy to pursue anything new because time is running out anyway. I want to be that senior who takes the opposite road. The one who makes the most of her last year here, the one who isn't indifferent and actually cares about experiencing new things instead of having a "whatever" approach. Who knows if my senior year will even be all that new or exciting? All I know is that when the apathy starts to settle in, I'm going to look back on this entry and at least have an open attitude. One where I think anything can happen, even with the clock counting down to college. Unlike a lot of the seniors now, hopefully I'll actually care.