but you're still with me in my dreams.

I love it. When the sun is shining, beating down on my legs, somewhat threatening to increase the shade of my already too-dark tan. When the shorts and skirts come back, when the winter coats get shelved to the back of the closet. When the flowers start appearing on the block with no rainstorms to hurt them, only pure sunshine. It’s not that I love spring; it’s more like I can taste summer already, two or three months ahead. In fact, spring is probably my least favorite season—the bipolar weather with pouring rain one day, sun the next; the stress of APs and tests and second semester; the laziness that only grows when summer is just so close. Summer isn’t my favorite season, even. As much as I love the sun, it gets a little too hot in California and chewing ice all day can get old. And the award definitely doesn’t go to winter (maybe if we actually got some decent snow, I would like it more). No, my favorite season hands down is autumn. The reddish leaves that burst in multicolor (pretty rare to see here, actually), the initial excitement of going back to school (stress the word “initial”) and the flood of holidays and breaks. And autumn, at least in California, comes with absolutely perfect weather: hot during the day and a cool breeze at night. Kind of like right now.

I really like the new Hush Sound album, Goodbye Blues. It’s nothing new, just the same old Hush Sound. I always loved the combination of Greta and Bob’s voices on songs. The new Flo Rida album is pretty horrible…a lot of the songs are literally carbon copies of “Low”, and half of the songs feature a popular artist because Flo Rida evidently can’t do it on his own. Still, “Roll” with Sean Kingston is pretty good, although highly repetitive (but aren’t they all)? I’ve been obsessed with the “D.A.N.C.E.” cover that Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly did. If you knew me during summer, you knew I was so enamored with the original (do the dance, the way you move is a mystery). Get Cape does the song justice (I couldn’t help it!) by giving it a really different twist, like the best covers do.

Sometimes I wish that we could all read each other’s minds. I know it’s one of those things that would have extremely negative effects, and people would have to start controlling and repressing their thoughts so others wouldn’t read into them and be offended. Our minds are so dangerous, and so powerful, because absolutely anything can happen in there. There are no inhibitions, no fear, and no punishment for thinking whatever we would want to, as long as we don’t act on them. But imagine if everyone knew what you were thinking? The communication barriers would be struck down, and honesty would be the only policy. We’d have to learn to deal with the truth; we’d come to weed out the true friends from the false; we would understand our faults completely and let others know what theirs are. Of course, it would be nice if I could be the only one reading other people’s minds, but that’s just a superpower I’ll never be able to have.

But what really brings up this whole topic is how terrified we are to act upon our own feelings. Maybe this is just me, sometimes shy and too scared to speak up, but how many times have you wished you’ve said something, wished you’ve told the truth, wished that the other person knew how you really felt? All the time, I wish that I were a better communicator, that I could be open up more to people. That people actually knew who I was, and I wasn’t just hiding beneath this bitchy exterior that really, isn’t me (okay, maybe a little). That I wouldn’t sit here, writing about how I wish all these things, but that I could actually be telling people about it, or maybe actually changing for the better. But I also worry, is it too late? Has the opportunity already passed me by, and saying something now would just be futile?

I want to be more open with you, tell you things that no one else ever knew. But more than being scared of telling it all, I’m scared that you wouldn’t understand. Tell me you would.