listless, unenergetic, bored, waiting. counting down days i didn't know i could spend, with ways i couldn't comprehend. fun just seems so far down the line, with months and months to go before i can sit down, breathe, and feel the world around me instead of pretending to pore over books for goals that i say are mine, but really aren't. i could celebrate right now, and i'm trying, if my attempts count as anything. this is all too typical coming from this age, this place, this time. but really, just because everyone else feels it doesn't mean the emotion becomes trivialized. but we're all in it: we all whine (and brag) about the lack of hours in our sleep. we tally up scores to the best of our ability. and then there are those seniors getting accepted, and we try to empathize, to feel happy for them, when in our selfish minds all we wonder is "will i be accepted when the time comes?"it's a nice feeling, when you rediscover music you used to love, songs that were just so good and yet were cast aside but newer loves. songs that when you come upon once again, you spontaneously burst into song just because you can't help but doing so. songs that make you do you air drum with your head banging, your body shaking. songs that know who they are; albums that you should already know that i don't feel like reiterating (i guess this is my elitism kicking in).
i can't picture the future from here. people and events come and go, but all i envision are the same people who've been there always. i want to make room for newer things...and i'm trying. believe me, i am trying.
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