i'm speechless, over the edge i'm just breathless.

For once, I have nothing to write about. Why even bother opening up this blogger window, you say? Very good question. I’ll get back to you when I can answer that myself. School is near approaching…21 days to be exact. This fact scares and exhilarates me at the same time. I can’t wait until the anticlimactic or surreal nature of senior year, one or the other…or maybe both. I’m listening to “Paper Planes” by M.I.A., one of the (only) jewels on Kala, and it’s mighty distracting and making this entry seem super dramatic. I’m just rambling here. But anyway, I figure the sooner I start senior year, the sooner it will end. I realize how wrong this approach to life is, anticipating the end before the beginning has even, well, begun. To be honest, though, I don’t really care about what’s right or wrong…I just want to go to college (have I basically summed up senioritis in that one sentence? I think so).

I’m just noticing my desktop background is always some random picture I liked on the Cobrasnake. I realize how creepy this makes me, since any random girl (or boy) could end up on my desktop simply because he or she was attractive or weird enough to have a photo taken of at a random LA party. Call me whatever, but I blame it on Mark Hunter himself…hey, he put up the photo online. And I ~appreciate the photography. God, I am such a creep online…whatever, I am not ashamed. I’m realizing how stupid and pointless this entry is, and this is supposed to be my “better” blog. Okay, okay, in all seriousness…

I’m glad I have ideals. I like that I want to become a writer, and also enjoy and bemuse about the fact that I’m going to get a shitty paycheck each month, will live off ramen and water because that’s all I can afford, since I’m 75% of my paycheck will immediately go to the pricey rent in whichever city I need to live in to work whatever job. Yes, my clothes could quite possibly be too worn in and “so last season” but to me, all that really matters is that I enjoy it. That I enjoy my job, that I enjoy my lifestyle. I really don’t care what shitty pay I may get, as long as I’m still alive and what I do everyday helps me feel alive, as cheesy as that may sound. I would take the poor artist route any day over working the dead-end office job as an accountant, yet being able to buy all the Marc Jacobs I wanted. Call me stupid, call me naïve, call me innocent, call me inexperienced. But I’m sixteen and I don’t want to be tainted by the realities of life yet. I’m still young. I’m allowed to be clouded, and I’ll keep my vision until I’m forced to change.

Last notes…every song on A Little Bit Longer is my summer jam. Not really, but most of them are. I can’t wait for Tuesday, and yes, I’m actually going to buy the album.