light in the dark as i search for a resolution.

I don't like admitting this, and I'm not even trying to be modest to let compliments pour in, but my writing ability has seriously declined since last summer. I'm reading my old journal entries and essays, sometimes wowed by myself and in denial, and then I put my black pen to paper and words flow out, but they don't sound educated. They don't flow. It doesn't grip the reader, and it comes out as separate words jumbled together, juxtaposed strangely on lined sheets. I miss my writing last year, when I wrote the best short fiction story I've ever written, and my essays I wrote prepping for SAT (nerdy, but yes) were so dead-on. Maybe it's my lack of practice this summer; I have, in fact, spent more time writing pointless journal entries and making lists instead of concentrating on what I should write for my college essays. Now I'm sitting here, majorly fucked as I procrastinate this until the very end. As if I would do anything else. As if I could function anyway else.

Senior year is nearing, in a matter of days and hours instead of months and years. The final note of high school, with only 40 weeks until that marvelous graduation day. Everyone echoes each other, saying it's surreal and so "weird", but I have been ready for this moment for years. Barely anyone's ready to graduate, to separate from the life they've known for 17 or 18 years, but right now I feel like I'm going to walk out of California, boarding a plane (hopefully) to my next destination, and leaving no regrets. I'm so ready to get out. And I know how disgustingly often this topic comes up again and again in this blog. Imagine how many times I think about it per day.

I might as well embrace that I've become a shit writer and talk about shit things. Jack's Mannequin's new album is the best thing ever. I'm rocking "Orphans" on repeat, and it will stay that way for a while. Meanwhile, I'm obsessed with the Olympics. I watch it every night until I fall asleep, and I was so caught up with Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin and rooting them toward gold. Besides that, I have done absolutely nothing of interest. I might go write some, since the idea that all my writing ability has fell out of my brain is a bit depressing.