i'm not gonna waste these words about a girl.

Sometimes you are so engulfed in your own problems, you turn a blind eye to those surrounding you. You don't acknowledge that something's bothering them, that something's wrong, and that you could fix it. And then when you learn, sometimes you still don't care...at least, not enough to put the effort into reaching out and helping out. What kind of monster have I become? And when? The worst part is, as much as I feel guilty about turning a blind eye, it's still not enough to make me overcome and reach out. And yet the guilt still pours... Yes, I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing, but how severe does the problem have to be for me to care enough to do something about it? Does it really satisfy me to just sit on my ass and do everything for myself, only? At what point will I stop being a selfish bitch and actually show compassion for others?

I always act like the pity party, that I have all this shit going on, that there are numerous things everyone doesn't like about me, blah blah blah...feel bad for me. But at rare times when I look up to see what's going on, what everyone else is involved in, it's when moments of clarity hit: that there is more to life than just me. It's not all about self-satisfaction; sure, you could live your life that way and have a pretty fulfilling life, but what about love? How can you expect love and care from others if you don't give it in return...or not even in return? And what's the point of being human, of being alive, without love?

This isn't going to be the greatest transition, from the past two paragraphs to omg! what music has carolyn been listening to? but I tried my best (not really). I adore Tuesdays, when the albums drop in stores, in iTunes, and in various downloading sites if they hadn't already been leaked. New Jonas Brothers single "Pushin' Me Away"? Yes, sir. Some other random hip-hop songs found their way to my iTunes late last night/early this morning, all fairly decent. Let's not forget the new Academy Is... single. Not horrible, better than Santi, but I must admit, I don't think they're ever going to reach the all-time high of Almost Here. And of course, My American Heart...they're definitely not new, but they've been flooding my last.fm charts ever since I saw their live show the other day. I don't really know what it was, because I thought they kind of blew after their first song, but I guess it was "Tired and Uninspired" that changed my opinion of them. If there's one thing you get out of this entry, it's to go download that song. Now. And I leave with you that...this has gone long enough.