oh, the brilliant mistakes that you seem to make.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream is so delicious. Ice cream seems to be better coming out of a box instead of a carton...maybe because it's harder to freeze? Anyway, the ice cream that is living inside of my freezer right now is perfectly soft and melts in my mouth. Mmmm. Ice cream. Food is so satisfying, even though it is pretty fleeting. I always used to wonder why people paid so much for food when they could eat just enough for sustenance, then use their leftover money for things like clothes (ha). But food just uplifts you and you alone, if only for those minutes that you're eating it. Just imagining the chicken masala from Shalimar is making my mouth water. See, clothes are also satisfying (for certain people), but it's when you get compliments from others that it feels the best. Food, it's all your own. It's just...easier to be happy with food. True, not extremely satisfying and pretty short-lived, but takes absolutely no effort (except a few dollar bills).

Increasingly now I've come to realize that fun times come rarely from the place or event itself, but who you're with and how you feel that day. I know it sounds obvious, but so often lately I've been going to places that would potentially be fun, and somewhat are, but not as fun as it would have been if this or that person were with me. And of course that number of people is so low, and there's not just one person who could accompany me everywhere and I'd have fun. And you know, it's not so much about that person being fun. It's more about who brings out my hidden fun side? Because honestly, I'm not much fun normally, all reasons having to do with being self-conscious. I know I could be so much more than what I usually show, but only around the right people. And I really wish there were more of those people around.

More people, new people, fun people...it just makes me crave college more and more. All the outgoing seniors are switching their Facebook networks to their new homes, finding out their roommates, shopping for dorms, signing up for classes, and more along that line...and it's just making me so jealous. When, when, when is it our turn? How can I possibly already be getting senioritis, and I haven't even started the year? I'm asking the world, can I just find out where I'm going to college already? and I haven't even applied yet (oh dear). Really, these past few years have been great, but not as great as they could have been (see aforementioned paragraph). I could have been better, nicer, maybe break out of this shell, more than I already have. I could have lived without regrets; I could have taken chances; I could have met so many people...but the past is the past, so I guess I'm looking out to the future. I guess technically I should be thinking of the present, but what more could I possibly do now? It's been three years. I've met (almost) everyone I need to. At this point, it's just I want out.

I'm also realizing how much my attitude is changing since that "senioritis" entry I wrote before. Is this what being an (almost) senior means?