we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow.

This is it...I am officially a second semester senior. But just like the new year, or a 17th birthday, nothing feels different whatsoever. I am and will probably remain the same student, procrastinating her homework yet still maintaining a little ounce of caring about her grades. Of course, maybe this whole "second semester" business isn't hitting me because I've never let the whole "grades matter" situation stop me from not giving a shit. But it's nice to know that now, I'm allowed to not care, and most everyone will be on the same boat with me. All aboard! Procrastination + nonproductivity = fun times.

I don't know what it is about online personality tests, but they're so goddamn addictive. I finally took the Meyer-Briggs Personality Test (there are 16 different personality types) and after taking different quizzes four or five times, settled on INFP as the one that most describes me (although I must say, I suppose my indecisiveness and "derisiveness and sarcasm toward others" is from my INFJ side). It seems kind of cliche to take a test and then say "omg, that's totally me," but it is pretty true. I mean...I am definitely

• Sensitive and perceptive about what others are feeling
• Likely to recognize and appreciate other's need for space
• Flexible and diverse
• May tend to be shy and reserved
• Don't like to have their "space" invaded
• Extreme dislike of conflict
• Extreme dislike of criticism
• Strong need to receive praise and positive affirmation
• May perceive criticism where none was intended
• Tend to be reserved about expressing their feelings
• Perfectionistic tendencies may cause them to not give themselves enough credit
• Tendency to blame themselves for problems, and hold everything on their own shoulders
• Under stress, may obsessively brood over a problem repeatedly

I just realized that most of those things are negative but I don't know, I never took my "extreme dislike of conflict" as a bad thing. It really isn't like I'm just taking this test and accepting my INFP-ness as my true destiny forever.

People may not be able to gather it from the occasional glance at this blog, but as much as I say it doesn't, I do change. From middle school until now, I'm such a different person. I mean for one, I didn't make as many sardonic comments, because I definitely talked way less. And since that's a problem I've conquered and kicked out of the stratosphere (almost), I guess it's just one step at a time for me. Maybe this is true or maybe it's not, but I don't think I can drastically change to be the perfect self, nor do I really want to suddenly become that new person. It's way more rewarding to see it gradually happen, and it reeks of fakeness to act like a person you're not, no matter how hard you're trying to be it. There is that Kurt Vonnegut quote "We are what we pretend to be" (how cynical...high five) but I don't buy it. No matter how hard you try, you can't adopt a new personality and try to be something you're not just by acting like it everyday. Maybe it's the fact that you know you're trying to fake it that never lets us get past that barrier. But either way, I know what I want to overcome ("tendency to blame themselves for problems" would definitely be one) and I am working on it. How slow it must seem for the witness, but to me, I'm making progress.