we've got a place for the night, what are you worried about?

Finals are approaching, and we're probably in the worst state of all. Two or three months more of the waiting game, along with some scholarship and financial aid forms on the way. I'm trying to get through the next two weeks thinking that these are the last tests that will actually matter, except that these last few tests really fucking matter for me.

Oh, I don't know. I always pictured myself having hardcore senioritis second semester, and as those days are approaching quickly, I'm starting to change my mindset. Granted, I will always be lazy and procrastinate my homework, or not do it at all. But I've been doing that for so long, for almost three years, that one semester is not going to change me even more. I don't think I'll ever think that the grades don't matter. That I'm already into college, so whatever. But who knows? Maybe my unproductivity can get worse. Kind of scary, but true nonetheless.

The past three weeks, I've gathered that I am going to be a shitty mother. This could sound cruel or heartless, but I'm just not a big fan of babies in general. Little children really annoy me, which is why I don't think I could ever be a teacher. I don't have patience. I don't have the tenacity to encourage these kids or make them listen to me. In fact, even when they really really like me (like my cousin who recently visited), I just don't have the energy to entertain them or amuse them with cutesy little things. Plus, I can't cook (unless eggs are included in said definition of cooking). Things could change from now and ten years from now, though. Maybe I'll suddenly be the perfect suburban mom when the writing career goes under.

(This is for those of you who've been reading this old thing so long that you actually remember this minute detail.) I finally finished my test roll for my Olympus XA and got it developed today. Most of them were really blurry, probably because I still haven't quite grasped what the film speed and aperture really mean in conjunction with each other. Others came out really fucked up (in a good way), rainbow colors running all over the place. Now I suppose I'll start carrying it around and using it properly.

I guess that'll be all. My mind's a blur from the (non-)anticipation of finals and the cramming that ensues.